Loving Difficult People

"17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:17-18, NIV).

Everyone has someone in their life that they may consider to be "difficult." Difficult as in, this person may not treat you well, or they may not respect you, or you may have "history" together that is not so good. I'm sure even as you read, you may be able to see their face in your mind. God, however, calls us to love people, all people. That means believers in Christ, non-believers, friends, enemies, and anyone else. So, how can we love people even when they may be difficult to love?

We Are The Difficult People

The first thing we must remember is that, as believers in Christ, we do not merely do what other people believe is right; we must transform our minds to think like Christ (Romans 12:1-2). This means that there may be choices we feel are right, but if we are not prioritizing Christ in our lives, then the likelihood is good that the option is not right. The world says to cut people off and never talk to them again or to enact revenge if someone treats you wrong, but that is not what God calls us to do.

"19Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. 20On the contrary:

'If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'

21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:19-21, NIV).

In this scripture, there are a few key points highlighted. First, there is no need for revenge. There is no need for hatred. Instead, we should show mercy to others like God has shown us. We should forgive others just as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). Honestly, we are the difficult people that God chooses to love despite ourselves and the things we do, so why can we not show that same compassion towards others? Furthermore, the scripture not only tells us not to enact revenge, but it also instructs us to give to our enemies. Luke 6:31, "[d]o to others as you would have them do to you," is a commonly quoted scripture, but God calls us to go even farther by loving, doing good, and lending to others, friends, enemies, or in between, without expecting anything in return (NIV). This idea is reiterated throughout scripture (Matthew 5:43-48, Luke 6:27-36). So, we do not love people expecting anything in return, but we love others because that is what God calls us to do, and he loved us first. Finally, the scripture above also instructs us to overcome evil with good, not by more evil. By doing this, it will ultimately cause the person to feel shame or remorse for their own actions.

Forgive, Do Not Judge

"14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins," (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV).

"1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:1-4, NIV)

God calls us to resemble him. In the same way he shows mercy towards us, we should show that compassion to others. Consider how many times you have sinned against God, yet and still, he forgives you.

It sounds easy...? But God...

Many people will "but" God. But you do not know what they did. But you do not understand how badly they hurt me. Truthfully, God does know. He knows exactly what you have been through and what this "difficult" person has done or is currently doing. An important part of being able to love others, however, is not dwelling on the past (Isaiah 43:16-21). When you dwell on the past, it keeps you in a place of pain, sadness, and anger, and this is not a place we should want to stay. Moreover, we should not even focus on our enemies or those who do wrong, whether things are going well for them or not (Proverbs 24:17-20). It is important to know when to hold your tongue (Proverbs 10:9) because the Bible tells us that while "hatred stirs up conflict, love covers over all wrongs" (Proverbs 10:12). Ultimately, when loving difficult people gets hard, we should pray for these people in our lives (Matthew 6:44-45). Of course, loving people is not easy. Despite what we know we should do, putting that action into practice can admittedly be difficult. It may take time. It may even take practice, but when you forgive others, you can realize unforgiveness is like a poison that affects you much more than the other person.